don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
