someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
