finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
