3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
