did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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