i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
