When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
