just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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