I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
