PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
