just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
