i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
