I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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