it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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