How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
