I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
