the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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