oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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