I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
