sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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