What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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