so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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