I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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