So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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