I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
