She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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