They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
