my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
