Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
