porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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