Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
