I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
