A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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