Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
