So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
