I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
