Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
