i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
