i need an iv and a liver transplant
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sober January is a disaster.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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