I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
