The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
time to smoke my breakfast
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
