i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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