just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
