if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
