I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
