Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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