he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
