I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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