I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
