Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
