I got chris browned last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
