A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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