I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
